Category Archives: Personal

When “Simple Things” Aren’t Simple At All

The other day I needed to make reservations for myself and my youngest daughter at a restaurant. This particular restaurant doesn’t take reservations online, so I had to call them. Simple, right? If only… It wasn’t a call I needed to make immediately, so I thought about it off and on for a couple of […]

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The Price of Performance

As I reflect on my life of performance described in earlier posts, I also have to consider the cost. And that’s actually a difficult knot to unravel. It’s true that I’ve poured an immense amount of energy and effort into crafting, shaping, and living that performance since my age was still measured in single digits. However, […]

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Life As Performance Revisited

I’ve been continuing the lengthy process of understanding my life through the lens of an autistic human being. Many interactions and events that had never made sense to me now have a context that finally does. Many of those events were stuck in my memory because I could not explain them. For decades, they’ve posed […]

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Stereotyped and Repetitive?

In order to meet the DSM V autism spectrum disorder diagnostic criteria you have to meet at least two of the items in section B. I’ve going to start with section B in my personal assessment because that was the most difficult for me to initially see in myself. I suppose after a lifetime of […]

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Life As Performance

I read an autisticmotherland post, Performing normal, the other day and it’s been percolating in my brain ever since. She opens the post with a statement that late diagnosed autistic adults “are method acting every day.” When I read that, I had to pause and look at the copies of Constantin Stanislavski’s books on the shelves behind me. […]

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Learning & Struggling

I’m still learning what my diagnosis means and struggling to shift my perspective and understanding of myself using this new lens. After a half century of life, that’s not an easy task. I don’t mean to imply it’s not worth the effort. Events going all the way back to early childhood which stuck in my […]

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Alexithymia or Emotions Are Really Complicated

As I was reading and digesting information on autism, I stumbled across this blog post on Alexithymia by Cynthia Kim from several years ago. Alexithymia describes the condition in which a person has difficulty identifying and describing emotions. I had a profound reaction to her post. As I tweeted at the time, it never even […]

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I Use My Words (Except When I Can’t)

I can’t remember ever not being able to read. After 1st grade our neighbor, a retired teacher with a master’s degree in reading education, noticed me reading to groups of older neighborhood kids and tested my reading level. I was apparently reading on a 12th grade level. I performed a scene from King Lear (all […]

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My Autism Diagnosis

In future posts, I plan to delve into the details of the DSM V Autism Spectrum criteria and relate them to my own life and experience. But I wanted to start with more of an overview of some of the things that are specific to my diagnosis. First, I apparently do not have any of […]

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Autistic

Autism Spectrum Disorder Level 1. It’s hard to describe what it’s like to hear those words from a diagnostician’s lips. Even when you’ve spent most of your 51 years of life trying to figure out why your brain seems to work differently from everyone else’s, it’s still a shock to hear that it’s because your […]

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