Who Am I?

Learning & Struggling

Posted: August 1st, 2016 | Author: | Filed under: Autism, Personal | Comments Off on Learning & Struggling

I’m still learning what my diagnosis means and struggling to shift my perspective and understanding of myself using this new lens. After a half century of life, that’s not an easy task. I don’t mean to imply it’s not worth the effort. Events going all the way back to early childhood which stuck in my mind because they never made sense, however often I reviewed the memory, finally have an explanation. But changing the lens through which you’ve framed your self-understanding and that of the world around you is … challenging.

I’ve also been somewhat swamped with life. One of those things may not seem like much to most people, but it’s been a major issue for me. I had to pack up my books, redo my computer setup, and clean out my office closet when we replaced the carpet with tile throughout the house. So I’ve been having to unpack and organize my books, comics, and computer equipment. And while that may sound relatively minor to most people, it’s hasn’t been to me.

It’s important that everything is organized in a way that may seem somewhat random but makes sense to me. (I was explaining those factors to my youngest daughter yesterday. She laughed, but appreciated them.)

It’s also very comforting to me to be surrounded by my books where I can see and touch them. I can feel them around me even when I’m not looking at them. I’m sure it sounds strange, but that’s the best I can describe it. So much of my non-work energy lately has been focused on unpacking and organizing. I’m finally almost done.

I’ve also been trying to figure out who to tell that I’m autistic and how to tell them. That’s also a struggle.

I do have many thoughts I want to cover in future posts. My mind is constantly constructing things to say. But I mostly haven’t had the energy to face the blank white screen. I’m sure that will improve over time.

I am here, however, even if I haven’t been writing much since my initial flurry of post-diagnosis posts.

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